Butter is for spreading on bread. It’s not meant to be eaten alone. Those ladies want their privacy. Stop flirting. They want to eat in peace. Yes, when you’ve eaten a lot, your stomach looks like a baby is inside, but some people have stomachs that look like that, and they do not have a baby inside. Don’t poke anyone’s stomach, and do not say, “Baby!” We can’t go swimming yet. We don’t have swimsuits, and we’ve just eaten. We have to wait 30 minutes. Yes, this dog is also named Toby. You know a man named Mr. Tobe. That doesn’t mean Mr. Tobe is a dog. If we see Mr. Tobe today, don’t call him a dog. Don’t put your head in those slats. You don’t want to get stuck. Yes I do! Okay, maybe you do, but your head will grow bigger after you put it in, and it will be harder to get it out. Don’t hit your sister. That’s not the right thing to do. The playdough is dough. It’s made of the same things that make up bread, but you shouldn’t eat it. Use your fork. I know the noodle makes a funny noise, but you’re supposed to twirl it on your fork until it looks like this. Sit up. You can’t eat under the table. Yes, Miss Wendy’s skirt looks kind of like a tent, but you can’t be under there. If someone offers to share their chips, be sure to share your gummies. That gummy fell on the ground. Don’t eat it. Yellowjackets like gummies, but they sting. Yellowjackets are grumpy but not all the time. Yes, they stung mommy, but usually they’re just trying to say hello. I know you can’t breathe, but don’t pick your nose. Those are tiger stripes. All mommies have them. Mommies don’t like it when you poke at them. Yes, you can ride the carousel later, but only big kids get to grab for the brass ring. Little boys hold onto the pole with both hands. Daddy will have to go with you. Mommy gets dizzy. When an adult asks you a question, do your best to pay attention and answer. This is adult juice. You can try it when you’re older. Here’s a juice box. Those boys and girls out there are playing a game. What kind of a game? Why are they kissing? It’s a game little boys should not play until they’re older. You only kiss your mommy. See that lifeguard? When you do something wrong, she’ll smile at you. That’s to let you know she saw you doing something wrong. She knows. The next time, she won’t smile. She’ll yell.
If I’m not here, cling to the side. Use hand over hand like I taught you. Those are another little boy’s toys. He just left them for awhile and will want them back. No, you can’t play with them until he comes back. Yes, all ladies wear bras like mommy. Don’t pull their shirts down to see. That’s private. Why? Because they’re underclothes. They’re not meant to be outside clothes. Swimsuits are different. They look like underclothes, but there are no underclothes underneath them, so don’t pull them down, looking for a bra. Don’t climb up that net. You might get your head stuck. That bed is called a stretcher. People get on it when they’re not feeling good, and they’re taken in that car with the flashing lights to the hospital. Do they die? Yes, sometimes they die.
Don’t go too far into the water. You should still be able to touch. Swim toward me. Don’t swim away from me. Why? Because you don’t have arm floaties. Yes, I know that boy doesn’t have arm floaties, but he can swim. If you can swim, you don’t need arm floaties. If you can’t swim, you need arm floaties. Yes, that’s a type of floatie those ladies are in, and yes, they can probably swim. But they don’t have a mommy who worries about them. Well, they have mommies who worry about them, but their mommies worry about other things. Some day, you’ll be able to swim as far out as you’d like, but today you need to stay were you can touch, okay?
